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  “Arrangement?”

  “Yeah, like maybe we alternate months, so that we don’t have to be here at the same time.”

  It felt like he’d punched me in the heart.

  I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.

  “Let me get this straight. You can’t trust yourself around me, so you don’t want to physically see me ever again?”

  “That’s not it.”

  “Then why else would you not want to be around me?”

  He raised his voice, his tone bordering on angry. “Do you really enjoy hearing me and Jade fucking?”

  “No. But—”

  “Well, I don’t want to hear you fucking anyone, either. I’m trying to protect both of us here.”

  My blood was boiling. “So, you’d rather just not see me at all?”

  “I didn’t say that. But coming up with a schedule is something we should at least consider. I think that would be a smart option.”

  The words were flying out of my mouth. “As hard as this has been for me, I’ve never once considered that. That’s the difference between us. I would deal with any amount of discomfort that it took in order to have you in my life. I would never choose any option that involved pretending you didn’t exist. I would take any fragment of you than nothing at all. Clearly, you don’t feel the same about me. So, you know what? Now that I know that…I’m perfectly good with a schedule.” Hot tears streamed down my cheeks.

  “Fuck, Patch. Don’t cry.”

  I held out my hand as I stood up. “Please. Don’t call me that name ever again.”

  He buried his face in his hands and yelled into them, “Fuck!”

  I stormed into the kitchen and opened the bottle of tequila, pouring myself another shot. I didn’t bother with the salt or lime and instead just drank it straight.

  Justin grabbed the bottle before I could pour another. “You’re gonna make yourself sick.”

  “That would be none of your concern.”

  The door clicked open at that very moment. Both of our heads turned toward it simultaneously.

  His face turned practically white before he flashed the fakest smile and said, “Jade!”

  She ran toward him so fast before wrapping her arms around him. “I couldn’t wait till tomorrow. I missed you so much.”

  She planted her lips on his, and his body stiffened. You could tell he was uncomfortable kissing her in front of me after what went down tonight.

  She pulled away from him. “You smell like tequila.”

  “Yeah. Her friend was here and brought it.”

  “Glad to see you two are still speaking to each other.” She looked over at me then approached to give me a hug and said, “I missed you, too, Amelia.” Guilt was building within me with each second that her skinny frame pressed into me.

  “I’m so glad you’re back,” I lied.

  She took a look at my face. “Your eyes look red. Are you okay?”

  “Yes. I just drank too much. I’m not used to it.”

  “Tequila is rough.” She laughed, looking over at the bottle. “Especially cheap crap like that.”

  Jade spent the next several minutes filling me in on all of the theater gossip from Broadway while Justin and I stole awkward glances at each other. When she finished rambling, I decided I needed to excuse myself.

  “Well, I’m exhausted. I’m gonna head upstairs.”

  “Hope we don’t disturb you too much tonight.” She winked and looked over at Justin. “It’s been a while.”

  He looked stoic and extremely uncomfortable.

  “Don’t worry about me. Go to town,” I bit out.

  Upstairs in my room, I covered my ears with my pillow to mask the sound of his bed shaking. Listening to them having sex was painful beyond belief, but it didn’t compare to the emptiness I was feeling over the conversation Justin and I had.

  My stomach was aching. I suddenly felt violently ill. Running to the bathroom, I swore that I would never drink tequila again for as long as I lived, not only because it made me sick to my stomach, but because it would always remind me of this miserable night.

  CHAPTER 9

  Two days later, and I was still sick. Did hangovers even last this long? I had barely come out of my room. Justin and Jade were preparing to leave the summer house and head back to the city for good. I could hear them slowly packing up their stuff. It was still unclear exactly when they were taking off. Still so incredibly angry at his suggestion that we schedule our stays at the house next summer, I had no desire to face him or even say goodbye.

  He hadn’t bothered to come check on me, either. When Jade would peek her head in, I would thank her but tell her to stay away from me so that she didn’t get sick for her return to Broadway. I preferred the idea of not having to talk to them at all again before they left, but I was starting to realize that I really needed to leave my room long enough to pay a visit to the doctor.

  Today must have been my lucky day because they’d left the house together just long enough for me to wash up and sneak out without having to face them.

  When I arrived at the clinic, they made me wait about a half-hour before being seen. I couldn’t risk going to the emergency room at Newport Hospital because the last thing I needed was to end up getting seen by Will Danger. So, I drove out of the way to find this small walk-in facility.

  A nurse finally called me. “Amelia?”

  I followed her down the winding hallways into a cold, small examination room where she had me wait for another twenty minutes. When the doctor finally showed, I explained all of my symptoms: nausea, vomiting, fatigue. I told her I’d been feeling sick on and off all summer and admitted to drinking a lot a couple of days prior, but they ruled out alcohol poisoning. I also mentioned Justin’s illness in case it was somehow related to that.

  When I admitted to not having seen a doctor in over two years, she insisted on running some tests just to be sure that everything was okay with me. She sent me down to the lab where a phlebotomist drew blood from my arm. I also peed in a cup. This was turning out to be too complicated.

  The blood test results would be back in a few days. I was just about to leave the office when the doctor caught me out in the reception area. “Ms. Payne?”

  “Yes?”

  “Can you come back into my office for a moment please?”

  My heart was racing. Something didn’t seem right about this scenario. They told me they would call me. What did she need to see me about all of a sudden?

  “As you know, the lab downstairs took your blood, and those results won’t be in for a bit, but testing the urine sample is a much quicker process. You had indicated that you weren’t sexually active, but it turns out you’re pregnant.”

  “That’s not possible.”

  “I’m afraid it is.”

  “I’ve even had my period.”

  “That could have been spotting or some intermittent bleeding that wasn’t menstruation. You mentioned that you’d been drinking a lot lately. Is it possible that you had sexual relations that you are unaware of?”

  “Absolutely not.”

  Wracking my brain, I thought back to the last time I had sex. It was with Adam a few months ago—the night we broke up. We’d always used condoms, so it seemed impossible.

  “Are you sure?”

  “These tests are quite accurate, yes.”

  “Can you run it again?”

  “I’ll tell you what. There’s an OB GYN office in this building. If they can squeeze you in, I’ll see if they would be willing to do a quick sonogram. I can’t guarantee that they will have the availability, but I’ll call them. Why don’t you wait in the reception area?”

  It seemed like they’d made me wait forever. I was certain that this was all a mistake and thus, a huge waste of time.

  The doctor peeked her head into the waiting area. “Ms. Payne? Good news. They’ll take you right now. Just take the elevator back down to the first floor and look for Reid Obstetrics. Ask for Doris. She’s th
e ultrasound technician. Our office already passed along all of your insurance information.”

  “Thank you.”

  When I got to the office downstairs, a girl about my age, wearing scrubs with Mickey Mouse heads all over the shirt was waiting for me smiling. “Amelia?”

  “Yes.”

  “Hi. Come right this way.”

  Doris took me into a dark room. It was much warmer than the cold examination office upstairs, and there was soft music playing on the radio.

  “First off, Congratulations.” She had a slight Spanish accent.

  “Oh, I’m not pregnant. I have a virus. This is just to confirm that they made a mistake with the urine test.”

  She looked amused. “Those tests are very accurate.”

  “They usually are, but not in this case,” I said matter-of-factly.

  Ignoring my comment, she pointed to my shirt. “Can you lift this for me? I’m just gonna put some warm gel on your belly.”

  The tube made a weird squirting sound when she squeezed the clear gel onto my stomach. She touched the nozzle to my abdomen and pressed down a bit. A fuzzy white image appeared on the screen, and within seconds, I saw it. Not just a blob, but a huge head and arms. It was moving and looked gigantic.

  “Amelia, I present to you…your virus. As you can see, it has a heart that’s beating right here, and it looks like all the parts are where they should be. You are most definitely carrying a child.”

  It felt like the room was spinning.

  “How can this be?”

  “I’m sure you can figure it out if you think hard enough. You look to be about twelve weeks along, which would put your due date somewhere at the end of March.”

  Three months ago. Almost exactly the last time I was with Adam. Adam who cheated on me. Adam who was living in Boston with Ashlyn. Adam who I hated. That Adam.

  I was carrying Adam’s baby.

  The technician went on, “Unfortunately, it’s a little too early to tell the sex, but we can make you another appointment if you want for your eighteen-week visit, and we should be able to determine the gender then. You’ll see the doctor next time first, though.”

  “I’ll probably see a doctor out in Providence where I live most of the year, but thank you.”

  Dazed and confused, I watched in disbelief as she printed out three pictures of my baby and handed them to me. I stared down at the images of the alien creature and then down at my stomach, which barely looked any different to me. I just looked a little bloated and had attributed that to stress and drinking.

  Oh my God. Drinking!

  I’d been drinking alcohol and coffee fusion. Was the baby even okay?

  Feeling numb, I exited the medical building and sat in my car for several minutes before conjuring up enough energy to drive home. The outside looked different. Grayer. Scarier. The future seemed completely uncertain. For the first time in months, something other than Justin was consuming my mind.

  ***

  Back home, Justin and Jade were cooking dinner in the kitchen while I lay in my bed clutching my stomach in disbelief. I’d managed to sneak back into my room before they returned to the house with their groceries, so I still hadn’t made contact with them. The sound of Jade’s laughing from downstairs was driving me nuts under the circumstances.

  I was still in shock. It seemed like I was in the middle of a horrible dream. This pregnancy felt impossible to believe.

  How was I possibly going to raise a child? I could barely take care of myself. My salary wasn’t enough to cover the cost of daycare. There were so many things that were up in the air. The sound of the front door slamming interrupted my frantic thought process. Before I could wonder if they’d left, I heard footsteps coming up the stairs and approaching my room.

  There was a knock at the door.

  “Who is it?”

  “It’s me.” The unexpected sound of his low voice made me shiver.

  “What do you need?”

  “Can I come in?”

  I got up and answered the door. “What?”

  He looked tired, like he’d been run ragged.

  “You look exhausted. Too much sex?” I scoffed.

  Ignoring the question, he said, “Jade is making guacamole. We’re out of limes, so she ran back to the store. It’s the first opportunity I’ve had to talk to you alone. We don’t have much time.”

  “What do you need to say?”

  “Why haven’t you come out of your room?”

  “Isn’t that what you wanted…for me to disappear?”

  Looking filled with regret, Justin shook his head slowly and whispered, “No.”

  “No?”

  “No. The schedule idea was asinine. I’m sorry I ever suggested it.”

  “Well, guess what?”

  “What?”

  “It’s no longer going to be hard for you to resist me. There won’t be a dilemma. Because when I tell you what I found out today, you’ll never have a single inappropriate thought about me again. You won’t want anything to do with me. Your biggest nightmare…just became my reality, Justin.”

  His eyelids were fluttering in an attempt to decipher my words. “What the fuck are you talking about?”

  Bursting into tears, I sat back down on my bed and buried my face in my hands. I was suddenly all too aware of my pregnancy hormones. Justin, who had never seen me cry to this extent, sat down next to me and pulled me into his arms. That only prompted me to sob harder.

  “Amelia…talk to me. Please.”

  “I went to see a doctor. It was just supposed to be a routine check-up. I’d been sick…just like you were…”

  “Did someone hurt you over there?”

  Wiping my nose with my sleeve, I cried, “No. It’s nothing like that.”

  “What then?”

  “The doctor ran some tests. One of them was a pregnancy test.” So ashamed, I pulled back to look at his face.

  “You’re…pregnant?”

  My voice was practically inaudible. “Yes.”

  “How can that be?”

  “I’m three months along. It’s Adam’s.”

  “That asshole didn’t use a condom with you?”

  “That’s the thing. We did use one. I don’t know how this happened. Clearly, they’re not foolproof.”

  “Is it too late to terminate it?”

  “Did you not hear me say I was three months along? Yes, it’s too late! Even so, I could never go through with an abortion.”

  Justin got up from the bed and started to pace. “Alright…alright, I’m sorry. I was just thinking out loud, making sure you know what your options are.”

  “I’m so scared.”

  Jade’s voice called from downstairs, “Justin? I’m back!”

  He stopped pacing. “Shit.”

  “Please don’t tell Jade,” I begged. “I don’t want anyone to know yet.”

  “Okay. Of course.”

  “You’d better go.”

  He wouldn’t move from his spot. “Amelia…”

  “Go! Just go. I don’t want her to see me crying.”

  Still looking shocked and confused, Justin quietly slipped out of the room.

  I spent the rest of that night surfing the Internet for information on what to expect in the next six months. I had to figure out how I was going to tell Adam. He might not want anything to do with it, but he still needed to know.

  ***

  Justin and Jade were packing up the car. I’d already said my goodbyes to Jade over an early breakfast but hadn’t had a chance to speak to Justin. They would be taking off back to the city any minute. I couldn’t believe this day was finally here. It was both dreaded and a relief all at once. Seeing him every day would have been even harder, knowing that without a shadow of a doubt, there was no longer the chance of a future for us. Justin didn’t want kids of his own, let alone to raise someone else’s. This pregnancy was the final nail in the coffin. Maybe I would take him up on that schedule for next summer. Better yet, ma
ybe I would need to sell him my half of the house. As much as that thought was heartbreaking, I didn’t know what kind of financial situation I would be in after the baby came.

  Standing at my bedroom window, I looked down as they placed suitcases and boxes into the back of the Range Rover. At one point, Justin happened to look up at me. He held up his index finger as if to tell me to wait for something. Soon after, I noticed that he whispered in Jade’s ear. A few seconds later, she took off in the car.

  The sound of his footsteps soon followed. Then, he appeared at my door.

  Looking morose, he said, “Hi.”

  “Hi.”

  “How are you holding up?”

  “Not too good.”

  “I asked Jade to go get gas so that I could say goodbye, find out if there is anything you need before we leave.”

  “No. I’m fine. You need to get back to your life.”

  “I feel bad leaving you like this.”

  “I’ll be heading home in a couple of days anyway. The sooner I get back to Providence and prepare for this new reality, the better I will be.”

  “Patch…”

  “Don’t call me that name anymore.” Tears sprung to my eyes. “Not because I’m mad at you…it just makes me sad.” My lips trembled.

  “Okay,” he said softly.

  “What were you going to say?”

  “If you need anything…anything at all…please call me. Promise me you’ll keep me updated on what’s happening.”

  “I will.”

  “Let me know when I’m allowed to tell Jade.”

  “Okay. It’s not like I can hide it much longer.”

  His eyes wandered to the bed. Earlier, I’d been looking at the snapshots from the ultrasound and had left them lying out in the open. He walked over and picked them up. He stared at the images and looked mesmerized. “That thing is inside of you? You’re hardly showing.”

  “I know.”

  He shook his head while examining the photos. “God, this is so strange. I think I’m still in shock.”

  “You wouldn’t be the only one.”