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  My mother was right. Allison was probably with friends tonight.

  As Denise, Mom and Callie cleared the table, I followed Caleb downstairs to the basement to help pick a movie for after dessert and to get his take on things.

  “So, Mom’s on to you, huh?” Caleb smirked taking a swig of beer and plopping down on the leather sectional.

  “If she only fucking knew. I realized tonight that I am also deceiving Mom with this whole charade.” I sighed.

  “Cedric, please. Stop doing this to yourself. You have every right to feel the way you do. You need to let go of the past and move forward. Just think about you and Allison and nothing else. You deserve to be happy, dude.”

  “I can’t stop this thing if I tried, man. It’s a runaway train that’s about to derail,” I said as I joined him on the couch, leaning my head back.

  Just then, we were interrupted by Mom, Denise and Callie, all of whom were walking down the basement stairs carrying a different dessert and some paper plates and napkins.

  We turned on the DVD player and opted for It’s a Wonderful Life, mainly because it was Dad’s favorite and he was always here with us in spirit. This movie always depressed me though, even before Dad died. Now, it was even more bittersweet.

  My family sat together cuddled on the couch eating apple pie and chocolate cake, transfixed by the movie. Callie was the exception and opted to watch Anderson Cooper clips on You Tube with her headphones on.

  I escaped upstairs to sit by the fire again, taking a bottle of Shiraz with me from the basement bar.

  I stopped by the kitchen first to open the wine and pour a glass, then returned to my spot on the recliner right in front of the fire in my brother’s living room. The Christmas music still played low from the iPod speaker. I took a sip of the wine and looked down at my watch. It was only 8:30.

  I leaned my head back, closed my eyes and imagined Allison straddling me on this chair in front of the fire. Just the thought was enough to make me hard. I shook my head to get the image out so I could think straight. I couldn’t. Remember that runaway train? It was about to derail.

  I took my phone out of my pocket, hit her name and typed.

  Merry Christmas, Allison.

  Send.

  I closed my eyes and held my phone, having no clue whether I would hear from her. My hand shook when I immediately heard it chime back.

  Allison: Merry Christmas, Cedric. Where are you?

  Cedric: At my brother’s in New Hampshire. How about you?

  Allison: I just got home from dinner with my friend Danny.

  Danny? Is she dating him? Fuck. And then as if she could read my mind…

  Allison: Danny and his boyfriend live over by Fenway Park.

  Phew.

  Cedric: Ah, I see. Was it a good time?

  Allison: Yes, it was. What is everyone doing over there?

  Cedric: Watching It’s a Wonderful Life down in the basement. That movie kind of depresses me.

  Allison: Oh my God…me too. My mother loved it though.

  Cedric: I’m sorry.

  Allison: Sorry for what? It is depressing.

  Cedric: I know, I mean, I am sorry that your mom is not with you tonight.

  Allison: Thanks. Me too.

  I knew what I had to do next.

  Cedric: Allison, how late will you be up?

  Allison: Pretty late…why?

  Cedric: My mom asked me to drop off a gift for you that she forgot to give you last Thursday…on my way home tonight if you were around.

  Allison: I’ll be around. Sure. That is so nice of her.

  Cedric: Great. I’ll probably leave here in about twenty minutes, so I’ll be there sometime after ten.

  Allison: Sounds good. I’ll see you soon.

  Cedric: Ok…see you soon.

  My heart was pounding out of my chest. I was going to see her tonight. What a Christmas this was turning out to be.

  I immediately went to the bathroom, grabbing the first toothbrush I saw not knowing whose it was and brushed my teeth. I wet my hair back and stared at myself in the mirror. I’ve looked better, but if I had known I would be seeing Allison, I might have dressed differently. I was wearing a maroon button down shirt, rolled up at the sleeves and dark jeans. I hadn’t shaved for a couple of days, but it would have to do.

  I ran down the stairs and pulled my mother aside letting her know my plans. She gave me her keys and I ran out to the driveway, took the wrapped present out of her glove compartment and transferred it to the passenger seat in my car.

  I went back in the house, returning the keys, putting on my black North Face parka and hugged and kissed each of my family members goodnight.

  Caleb patted me strongly on the shoulder, since he was the only one who knew how difficult the situation with Allison really was for me.

  I felt bad leaving early, but my mother was practically shoving me out the door when she found out I was going to take her up on that idea.

  I got in my car and blasted the heat because it was freezing out. I put on some smooth jazz and tried to relax as I pulled out of my brother’s driveway.

  As I sped south down I-93, I thought about what I would say to her when I saw her. I needed to tell her how I felt about her without scaring her off. I hoped that she would invite me to stay beyond just handing her the gift, so that I had the chance to talk to her for once.

  I finally got to her exit and drove slowly down the side streets leading to her house. I parked across the street from the two family house where she lived. Once I looked up into her second floor window, I really started to freak out.

  CHAPTER 15

  ALLISON

  Be certain to take your vitamins, as this is your low point of the month, my Gemini friend. It is a good day to curl up with your favorite book or video, sip herbal tea and avoid the world. Tomorrow brings new energy.

  I couldn’t believe this was happening. Cedric was coming over…on Christmas night. We would be alone. This was so dangerous, but I was not about to stop it.

  I didn’t care about his girlfriend right now. And why wasn’t he with her tonight anyway? The consequences of this couldn’t compete with the uncontrollable desire I had to see him. I just wanted to look into those beautiful blue eyes tonight. I wanted nothing more than to get lost in them and forget about the despair of being alone on Christmas without my mother.

  Dinner with Danny and Paolo had been good. They actually invited a few other nice people and put together a Mexican buffet-style menu. Danny knows that Mexican is my favorite type of food.

  But seeing Danny and Paolo all over each other and so in love only reminded me what I am lacking. I ended up making up a story about not feeling well and leaving early, because I wanted to go home.

  Soon after I got in, I kicked off my shoes, went straight to bed and laid down staring at the ceiling.

  A few minutes later, my phone startled me when the text came in.

  Merry Christmas, Allison.

  It was a Merry Christmas…now.

  I needed to look better than ever before. After our texting exchange ended and I knew Cedric was coming over, I sprung up and ran to the bathroom. I tied my hair up while I showered, careful not to get it wet, because there would be no time to wash and style it before he arrived.

  As I stepped out of the shower, I sprayed myself with a Victoria’s Secret fruity scent and walked over to the closet. I could not decide what to wear. I put on a cream colored lacy bra and matching thong…just to feel sexy. I wouldn’t be going there of course, tonight…would I? Clearly, I didn’t trust myself, or else I would have chosen the more comfortable granny panties.

  I then picked an emerald green cotton fitted v-neck shirt and tight dark blue skinny jeans. I threw black leather high-heeled boots over the jeans and finished the look off by brushing my long hair, leaving it down. I gave myself a smoky eye and put some light gloss on my lips, puckering in the mirror. I had to admit; I looked pretty good for someone who was about to tur
n in for the night twenty minutes ago.

  I went to the kitchen and took a bottle of cold Chardonnay out of the fridge. I hadn’t had too much to drink at Danny’s because I was taking the train home and didn’t want to be drunk and vulnerable on public transportation. So, I decided to pour a glass now to help loosen me up.

  I suddenly started to get really nervous. I didn’t wonder if something was going to happen tonight…. I knew deep down, it would.

  The only thing keeping us from each other last time was the fact that Callie was in the room. I could tell by the way he was looking at me that night and by the way he made me feel, that had we been alone, something more would have happened. And that scared me. Knowing what he later texted me that night…that I was beautiful…confirmed what I already knew in my heart. He wanted me. I wanted him. It was the reason I ran.

  I figured I should have some kind of food to offer him when he got here, so I quickly put together a fruit plate since I had just stocked up at the market yesterday. I also cut some Cracker Barrel cheese onto Ritz crackers and arranged them on a plate. I nearly dropped the plate that I was carrying to the table when I heard a knock at the door.

  My heart felt like it was thumping out of my chest and my armpits dripped with perspiration instantly.

  Cedric was early.

  “Just a minute!” I yelled as I gathered my bearings, taking in a deep breath.

  He may not have heard me because the constant knocking continued and got louder as I walked toward the door.

  I opened it and a wave of nausea and the smell of vodka hit me like a ton of bricks.

  “Nate.”

  ***

  I hadn’t seen Nate since I ended our relationship. The man I was met with at the door was nothing like the man I knew before I discovered his addiction. His eyes were bloodshot red and his hair was dirty and inches longer than I had remembered. I usually like longer hair on guys, but Nate’s was just messy and unwashed. It was clear that alcoholism had been taking its toll during the months since our breakup.

  “What are you doing here, Nate?” I asked nervously.

  “Allison…we need to talk,” Nate slurred as he leaned against the doorway.

  “I can’t, Nate. I am sorry, not when you are drunk like this.”

  I started to close the door and he stopped it with his hand.

  “Allison, please…it’s Christmas. I am so lonely. I miss you so fucking much.”

  “Nate, please leave. I don’t want to see you like this. You’re drunk and you’re scaring me.”

  I tried to push the door closed again, but this time, Nate slammed the door all the way open and pushed past me into the living room.

  “Allison, you can’t shut me out like this. I fucking love you. I need you.”

  He stumbled into the kitchen, grabbing the Chardonnay I had left on the table and started to drink it down fast like water. The glass shattered into pieces as he threw it on the floor. More alcohol was clearly the last thing he needed.

  “Nate, you can’t stay. Please go home.” I was shaking.

  I immediately remembered the last time that we were together when he hit me across the face after accusing me of cheating on him with Danny. He wasn’t even half as drunk then as he is now.

  “Allison, we never got to talk…abou…about what ha…happened between us,” he said as he started walking slowly toward me.

  I backed up into the living room, my back facing the window.

  I grabbed my cell phone from my purse and held it in my hand in case I needed to dial 911. I felt nauseous as the smell of vodka got closer and closer.

  “Who are you calling?” Nate backed me up against the window.

  “No one,” I said as my hands that held the phone shook profusely.

  “You’re lying.”

  Nate grabbed the phone and threw it to the ground. His putrid breath hit my face as he pressed his body into mine.

  “Nate, you’re scaring me. Please back away,” I whispered, barely having the energy to talk audibly because I was truly terrified that I didn’t know this person anymore. I didn’t really know anything about Nate on alcohol, except for the fact that he had it in him to use force against me when he was intoxicated like this.

  “Allison, I missed you so much. The way you smell, the way you taste, please just let me touch you,” he said leaning in toward me.

  I stood frozen with my back against the window as he started kissing my neck. I wanted to vomit. Not only did he reek of vodka, but he smelled of body odor. He wrapped his hands around me and I began to feel his hard-on and became truly worried that he might take this further than kissing my neck.

  I tried to remain calm. He then started putting his hands up my shirt and I instinctively pushed him away.

  “Allison, we’ve done this a million times, please just relax,” Nate slurred, his eyes half closed.

  “Nate, stop!” I screamed as his kiss on my neck turned harder and he started undoing my jeans.

  “Allison, don’t you know how many times I’ve made you come? What’s one more time?” he asked.

  I kept trying to push him off of me, but he felt like dead weight. The tops of my pants were undone and I was shaking. I couldn’t let this happen.

  “Nate, get off of me!” I yelled and pushed him with all of my might.

  He fell back and when he regained his balance, he rushed toward me and slapped me so hard across the same right cheek as the last time he hit me.

  I started to see stars as he struggled to get my tight skinny jeans off. I was again frozen and could feel tears starting to form quickly.

  I decided I would rather die right here and now, than let him force me to have sex with him. I needed to try harder to get him off of me and then, I needed to run like hell.

  I came up with a plan that I was going to pretend like I was giving in for a moment and then when his senses were wrapped into the act, I would knee him in the balls and run for the hills.

  I stopped resisting and let him continue to kiss my neck with his hands nudging on my pants, still trying to push them down.

  Now, one of his hands was down my underwear and he was touching me.

  I suddenly made my move with a swift kick to Nate’s groin and managed to break free running to the door, but Nate caught me by the hair and tackled me to the floor.

  I started to scream bloody murder.

  “Help! Help me!”

  Nate covered my mouth and continued to push me down to the ground with all of his body weight.

  I closed my eyes, not wanting to see what was about to happen to me. As I whimpered in the darkness, a tear fell down my cheek as I felt him press against me.

  Then, my eyes shot open as I heard the sound of my door busting open and a voice.

  “Get off of her, you MOTHER FUCKER!”

  CHAPTER 16

  CEDRIC

  I almost turned around and went home. As I looked up into Allison’s second floor window, I saw her beautiful long dark hair plastered against it and male hands caressing her back.

  Was this some kind of sick fucking joke? Did she forget I was coming by and in the meantime, get a Christmas booty call?

  I felt like I was about to vomit as I sat in my car and watched this guy kiss her neck. I could seriously taste the apple pie I had eaten come up on me.

  My heart was breaking and beating rapidly in anger and shock, but I couldn’t look away. I punched the steering wheel and threw my head down onto it.

  Fuck. Me.

  I looked up again. Her back was still to the window. But the scene this time looked different to me. Allison’s hands were flailing and I immediately jumped out of the car, so that I could possibly hear what was going on, even though the window was closed.

  I couldn’t hear anything, but then saw what looked like Allison pushing forward and then she disappeared from sight.

  Shit. Something wasn’t right. I had to know what was going on and got out of the car, slamming the door behind me.

&n
bsp; The front door leading to the hallway stairs up to Allison’s second floor apartment was open.

  I walked up the stairs and began to sprint when I heard a cry for help…Allison’s cry for help.

  Adrenaline pumped through my veins and when I reached the top, I busted through the door to find the man lying on top of Allison, who was crying. Before I could process what was happening, I charged toward him and pounced.

  “Get off of her, you MOTHER FUCKER!” I yelled.

  I managed to push him off of her and tackled him to the ground, pinning him under me.

  He swung at my face and missed. He reeked of alcohol.

  “Cedric! Oh my God, Cedric!” I heard Allison cry.

  The man spit in my face as I held him to the floor. “Who the fuck are you?” he yelled.

  “Call 911,” I shouted over at Allison who ran to the kitchen dialing the phone.

  “What were you about to do before I walked in…huh? HUH!?” I spat back at the man and yelled louder. “WHAT THE FUCK…WERE YOU…ABOUT TO DO TO HER?”

  “I was about to take back what was mine,” he said as I pinned him down to the ground as he continued to struggle to release from my grip.

  Who the fuck was this person?

  Just then, Allison appeared after having called the police. “They’re on their way,” she cried, tears pouring from her eyes.

  Just then, the drunk man pushed up from under me and managed to get up on his feet. He swung at me and I swung back hitting him. I ducked again missing his punches and pushed him down to the ground causing him to hit his head on the coffee table.

  He sprung back up and charged toward me, smacking me down to the ground and hitting me as hard as he could in the chest.