The Aristocrat Page 21

  Adrenaline rushed through me. “What?”

  “I realized letting you go was a huge mistake. I went to find you at Drexel.”

  “What?” I repeated. My mouth hung open. He came back for me? “I don’t understand, Leo.”

  “I planned to beg you to reconsider finding a way to be with me after you finished school. Mostly I just needed to see you again.”

  “What happened?”

  “I was staying at an Airbnb near the Drexel campus. I wasn’t sure how I was going to approach you, so I decided to get to town first and then figure it out. But before I had a chance to find you, I saw you.”

  “Why didn’t you come to me?” I could hardly breathe.

  “Because you were with him.”

  My stomach sank. “You saw me with Matt…”

  “Yes. He had his arms around you. And you seemed happy. I realized I was too late, that you’d moved on. I felt entirely out of my league at that point.”

  That tore my heart out. Despite what things might have looked like with Matt, I would have dropped everything for Leo in a heartbeat. My entire reconciliation with Matt had been a vain attempt to get over Leo anyway.

  “So, you just went back to England?” I asked, willing my tears away.

  He looked down. “Yep.”

  My eyes stung. “I hadn’t moved on from you, Leo. I was forcing myself to try.”

  Leo looked back up at me. “Only after that was I able to force myself to try to move on—because I assumed you had. You can see how well that went by the rambling letter I sent you before my wedding. Even knowing you were with someone else didn’t change how I felt.”

  I wiped my eyes. “God, we’re a mess.”

  “A mess with impeccable timing, I might say.” Leo stood up and ventured into the kitchen, returning with a tissue. He handed it to me.

  I sniffled. “Thank you.”

  He watched as I wiped my face.

  When I finished, I looked up at him with clear eyes. “Are you in love with Darcie?”

  Of course, he was. He’d married her, for heaven’s sake. But I needed to hear him say it.

  Leo blinked. “I do love her. But it’s different. I can’t say that it’s the same kind of love I felt for you.”

  Felt. Past tense.

  “I trust her,” he went on to say. “And I care for her deeply. We have a mutual respect for one another. She’s deserved better than me from the very beginning, but I was honest with her. I told her about you. She herself had gotten her heart broken by a man she loved shortly before we reconnected. We bonded over our mutual heartbreaks, though they were different situations.”

  Leo pressed his fingertips together. “Darcie wasn’t you, Felicity, but she was someone I felt comfortable with and could relate to. She came into my life at a time when I needed incomplexity and companionship. She and I never had the insane chemistry you and I did. The evolution of my relationship with her was different. It started with genuine friendship and grew from there.”

  He paused, as if to figure out how to soften the blow of what he was about to say.

  “It did evolve into a romantic relationship. She knew the situation with my father and understood what I was up against. Due to his health at the time, I asked her to marry me before either of us was ready for that. And she knew the reason—because I wanted my father to bear witness to it. That’s not to say I didn’t want to marry her. If not you, there was no one else I could have imagined myself with.” He exhaled. “Felicity, when you didn’t respond to my letter, I was certain my assumption that you’d moved on with Matt was correct. I forced myself to move on with my life.”

  “And now?” I braced myself. “How is your marriage?”

  “At this moment, with me being here talking to you? Not very good.”

  “Obviously I meant before today…”

  “I know what you’re asking.” He sighed. “It hasn’t been perfect. We’ve had our issues.”

  “Like what?”

  “She wants to start a family soon.”

  “And you don’t?”

  “I haven’t felt ready. So that’s been a point of contention.”

  I shook my head. “I’m sorry for all the questions. What happens in your marriage isn’t any of my business.”

  “You can ask me anything, Felicity. I’ve always told you that.”

  “She must hate me.”

  “She knows you meant no disrespect in coming here and that you didn’t know I was married.”

  Married.

  Married.

  Married.

  The word felt like it was choking me.

  “I think I should go back home,” I blurted.

  “Stay for a week,” he said immediately.

  “Why?”

  “Because I’m not ready to say goodbye to you yet. I don’t have a better reason than that.”

  “What—are you going to invite me over to dinner at the estate? I mean, come on, Leo. What purpose will my staying serve? I can barely look at you right now with this pain in my chest.”

  “You think I want to hurt you?” he shouted, then quickly lowered his voice. “That’s not what this is about. I just need time to process this before you leave.” He paused. “One week, Felicity.”

  He stared into my eyes. I had to remind myself that this situation was just as shocking to him as it was to me. And it was the fault of no one but fate.

  “How are you supposed to see me, given that your wife knows who I am?”

  “I don’t plan to lie to her.” He paused. “And I’m telling Sigmund to stay here at the inn with you.”

  “Why? He doesn’t need to do that.”

  “I need to make sure you’re okay, since I can’t be here with you. You don’t know your way around Westfordshire. And he could use the distraction as well.”

  “What’s going on with him, anyway?”

  “I’ll explain when we have more time. That’s not a conversation that should be rushed.”

  That left me unsettled.

  “It’s late,” he said, standing. “I’d better get back, but I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

  He walked to the door. He looked so painfully handsome, his golden brown hair slicked back off to the side. At thirty-three, Leo was sexier than ever. If anything, he was more physically fit than I remembered. His periwinkle blue sweater hugged his broad shoulders and muscular chest.

  “Try to get some sleep tonight,” he said before walking away.

  He didn’t hug me again. It seemed surreal to have been standing across from the man I still cared so much about and not be able to touch him. It was as close to pure torture that existed.

  * * *

  Leo

  Track 21: “Goodbye My Lover” by James Blunt

  The moon was bright against the dark, night sky as I pulled onto our property. Dread mixed with guilt followed me inside as I opened the front door.

  Darcie waited for me in the foyer, which likely meant she’d been watching from the window until I arrived.

  I don’t fucking blame her.

  Her arms were crossed protectively over her chest. “That took long enough.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “I still don’t understand how she didn’t Google you and figure out you were married.”

  “I understand your confusion.” I removed my jacket and hung it up in the coat closet by the door.

  “So then explain,” she demanded.

  “Come sit with me for a moment.”

  She followed me into the adjacent living room. We sat down.

  “When my relationship with her ended, we agreed not to keep in touch if we weren’t going to be together. She must have chosen not to search the Internet for information on me.”

  “And somewhere along the line, she realized she’d made a mistake and wanted you back? So she just hops on a plane without calling first? Who does that?”

  There was no good way to spin this situation. I could already see the wheels turning in Da
rcie’s head. I reached my hand out and placed it on hers. “I know you’re upset.”

  “What now?” She pulled her hand back. “Is she going home?”

  “She’s staying for a week. She and I need to talk through some things. Nothing more. I don’t want her to return to the US so shocked and hurt. We just need to process this before she goes.”

  She gritted her teeth. “I want to tell you to go fuck yourself right now, Leo. But I’m not entirely sure that’s the answer. Whatever you still apparently feel for this woman isn’t going to go away, even if I take that stance.”

  “I wouldn’t blame you if you told me to fuck myself, Darcie. I really wouldn’t. I’m sorry to have put you in this situation. But I need you to trust that I would never cheat on you, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

  She let out a long, frustrated breath. “So when are you going to see her again?”

  “Tomorrow.”

  “Jesus,” she muttered. “I suppose this is what I get for agreeing to marry you so hastily. You told me yourself when we first got together that you were still in love with her. I should’ve known better.”

  “If you recall, you’d barely gotten over Gabriel when we started dating.”

  That was irrelevant now, but I was desperate to take some of the attention off me.

  “Gabriel? You’re going to bring him into this? I’ve long moved on from him. Gabriel is not going to be showing up at my door unannounced years later. For God’s sake, Leo.”

  “You’re right. I shouldn’t have brought him up.” I looked at her with pleading eyes. “Darcie, I’ve never lied to you. And I don’t plan to start now, all right?”

  She tapped her foot against the floor. “What time are you seeing her tomorrow?”

  “Probably the afternoon. I’ll only be gone a couple of hours. And Sigmund will be with us, if that makes you feel better.”

  She raised her voice. “Actually, it doesn’t. You point that out as if I would have a reason to worry if he weren’t with you.”

  “That wasn’t how I meant it.”

  My wife stood. “I’m going to bed. I waited up long enough.”

  “Darcie…”

  She whipped around. “Please just let me be.”

  Feeling completely beat and emotionally drained, I sat in silence, alone for a while. I deserved every bit of her attitude.

  After a few minutes, I ventured into the kitchen, where Camila was still awake making some tea. While most of the staff lived off-site, Camila had always been a live-in employee.

  Years ago, before my return trip to the US, I’d confided in Camila about falling in love with an American girl. While I hadn’t opened up to her like I had my grandmother, Camila certainly knew more about my life than my parents did.

  “I’ve been worried about you,” she said.

  I pulled out a chair and sat down. “As you should be.”

  “I’ve tried to tame the vultures. They’ve been gossiping all day. That girl made quite a scene. But my God, Leo. I never imagined she was the same girl you told me about—Felicity.”

  I put my head in my hands. “I’m a terrible husband, Camila. Really. I should be shot for my behavior today. But I just—”

  “You can’t let the redhead go home.”

  “Not like this, no.” I pulled on my hair. “And it’s not fucking fair to either of them.”

  “Leo, I’ve known you since you were a young boy. I’ve observed a lot. You’ve always tried to do the right thing. By your father, by your mother, by Felicity, by your wife. Sometimes even when we’re trying to do the right thing, we still muck it up. Just give yourself grace and do the best you can. But also, don’t expect your wife to have too much patience with this situation. No sane woman would allow it.”

  “I hear you.”

  Camila slid a cup of tea toward me. “Not to pour salt in your wound, but your mother somehow got wind of the situation. Seems we have a mole here in the house. She called looking for you while you were out, and I expect she’s going to be after you tomorrow for an explanation.”

  Years ago, that might have seemed like a nightmare. But I was numb to it at this point. After hurting two people I cared about today, dealing with Mother seemed like nothing.

  I exhaled. “I’ll face her when I have to.”

  The following morning, I decided to grab the bull by the horns after all and confront my mother before she had a chance to call me. After my father died, Mum had moved to a separate residence so Darcie and I could have our independence in the main family property. My mother’s house, on the other side of Westfordshire, was nearly as large, with a staff of its own.

  “Hello, Mother,” I said as I met her out in the garden.

  I could see from her stark expression that she was seething.

  “What’s this about some American girl showing up out of nowhere? Who is she?”

  There was no point in skirting anything now. I told her the full story, holding nothing back. My mother’s reaction was everything I’d always imagined it to be.

  She was practically shaking. “You would’ve given up everything, Leo. Thank the gods for intervening and making it impossible for you to wreck your life!”

  “And you wonder why I’ve never told you anything over the years...”

  “Your father is likely rolling around in his grave right now.”

  “I highly doubt that. For all he knew, I did right by him.” I lifted my brow. “Anyway, what’s the point of this lifestyle without a little scandal to shake things up from time to time, right? Like father, like son?”

  Immediately I knew alluding to my father’s rumored infidelities was uncalled for. “I’m sorry, Mother. Just trying to point out that I’m hardly the first imperfect person in this family.”

  My mother took a long sip of her mimosa and slammed the champagne flute down. “What are you going to do about this problem? Is she still here?”

  “She’s not a problem. She’s a person. One who had no idea what she was walking into. And I think what I’m doing at this point is none of your concern. I don’t owe any explanations from this point forward to anyone but Darcie.”

  “Why did you run over here this morning to talk to me if you don’t value my opinion?”

  “Because I knew your head was likely ready to explode, and I wanted to put you out of your misery.”

  My mother screamed in frustration. “If your nan wasn’t already on her deathbed, this might just put her there.”

  That was almost laughable.

  “That goes to show how much you know about Nan…”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “Nan knew about Felicity from the beginning. She was the only person besides Sigmund who knew about our relationship back then. Nan knows more about me than anyone, actually.”

  That should leave my mother’s knickers in a knot.

  As her jaw dropped, I chose that moment to walk away.

  A few hours later, I picked up Felicity and Sigmund at the Bainbridge Inn. They hadn’t killed each other yet, so that was good news. The sweet, old woman who owned the place stood outside and waved us off.

  Felicity fastened her seatbelt. “Where are we going?”

  While she was next to me in the passenger seat, my cousin sat in the back.

  “There’s something I want to show you,” I said.

  “I’m sure that’s not the first time you’ve said that to her,” Sigmund cracked.

  I glared at him in the rearview mirror. “Why am I taking you along again?”

  “Oh, I don’t know…because your wife will have your arse if you don’t? Because you think I’ll drink myself into oblivion if left alone? Because you can’t get enough of my charming personality? Because you don’t trust yourself to be alone with Felicity? There are multiple answers to that question.”

  Ignoring him, I turned to her. “We’re taking a ride out to one of my properties, actually.”

  My stomach churned with excitement and nerves for
what lay ahead. I tried to limit my looking over at Felicity because it was painful. I knew I wouldn’t cross any lines, but my unwavering attraction to her was unnerving. As a married man, I shouldn’t ache to kiss another woman. I shouldn’t so instantly remember what she tasted like and yearn to taste her again. But nothing ever went as it should when it came to Felicity Dunleavy.

  Her eyes widened when we arrived at the property known as Brighton House. My father’s widowed sister lived here most of the year, but she was currently in France on holiday. My aunt Mildred loved animals and kept a large farm on the estate. Her house manager, Nathaniel, happened to be a longtime friend of Sigmund’s. I knew my cousin would likely head inside to have a drink with him, and that would allow me some alone time with Felicity.

  Sure enough, Nathaniel came out to greet us, and Sigmund disappeared inside. I’d introduced Felicity as a friend I’d be showing around the farm. Although Nathaniel looked confused, I was certain Sigmund would have a field day filling him in on the soap opera my life had become.

  “Let’s take a tour of the farm, shall we?”

  “I’d love that.” She smiled.

  It was a relief to see her at least momentarily happy.

  “My aunt is an animal lover, like you, and this is her farm. She’s away on holiday right now, so her staff tends to the animals. Mildred lost her husband when she was in her thirties. He died in a car accident.”

  “Oh, I’m sorry.”

  “She never remarried and never had children. The animals are like her kids.”

  As we walked toward the barn, excitement built in my veins.

  Several ponies congregated behind a wooden partition.

  As she looked over at them, Felicity beamed. “Oh my God. Is that a Shetland?”

  “Yeah.” I couldn’t contain my smile.