Rebel Heart Read online

God, this sucked. This sucked so freaking bad.

  I wiped my eyes and, after saying some prayers, I stood up and looked around. It felt like someone turned the heat up to a hundred degrees. Beads of sweat were forming on my forehead. My tie felt like it was choking me, so I loosened it.

  There was a long line of people waiting to give condolences to the family. I stood at the back of it waiting with everyone else.

  Beth’s mother, Ann, was first in the line-up. I noticed how much she’d aged, but damn, it had been a long time, hadn’t it? Over ten years. Beth’s brother, Adam, was next to his mother. He had gained some weight.

  Beth was standing next to him. I almost didn’t recognize her. She looked a lot different. She was never heavy but always had some meat on her. Now she was almost what you’d consider skinny. Her once light brown hair was dyed blonde. She was wearing bright lipstick and a tight black dress. She looked good.

  A little boy with long, shaggy hair stood next to her. I knew Beth was married with a son, so I assumed that was him. He had her almond-shaped eyes and looked to be about six.

  When I got to Ann, she placed both hands on my cheeks and cried, “Heath…I can’t believe you came all this way. I wish Pat were here to see you.”

  The right words escaped me. I simply said, “I’m so sorry, Ann.”

  “We’re having a family dinner after this. Will you stay and join us?”

  “Yeah. I’m gonna stay in town for a little bit.”

  “Good. I’ll see you there.”

  As I hugged her brother next, I could feel the weight of Beth’s eyes on me.

  By the time I got to her, it took less than a second for her to pull me into a tight hug.

  She was trembling. I felt her hot breath against my skin as she cried into my shoulder.

  Her hands gripped my arms as she said, “Heath. You made it. It’s so good to see you. You have no idea.”

  Mascara ran down her face, but the smudges accentuated her bright blue eyes. I’d forgotten how pretty Beth was.

  “How are you holding up?” I asked.

  “Just floating on through. It still feels surreal.”

  “I know. I can’t even believe that’s him over there. It feels like he should be standing right here, smacking me on the back, and swearing at me for not calling him enough.”

  She cracked a smile. “I’m certain that he’s looking down right now and that he’s so happy you’re here with us.”

  “I’m happy I’m here, too. I wish it were under different circumstances. But there’s nowhere else I belong tonight.”

  Her gaze lingered on mine before she looked down and reached for the little boy’s hand. “Owen, this is Heath. He’s one of Mommy’s oldest friends.”

  The boy looked up at me and said, “He’s not that old.”

  I chuckled. “I’m getting there, little dude.” Reaching out my hand to him, I said, “It’s nice to meet you.”

  He took it. “You, too.”

  The line had to keep moving, so I said to her, “I’ll see you after.”

  She grabbed my hand to stop me from leaving. “There’s a dinner tonight at the house. Please come.”

  “Yeah. Your mother mentioned. I’ll be there.”

  “I’ll text you the address.”

  I nodded. “Okay.”

  The Hurley home was a modest, single-family house surrounded by cactus plants in the Arizona desert. It was nothing like the two-family house Beth grew up in on Long Island.

  Ann had set up a catered buffet in the dining room and had invited about fifty people back to the house after the wake. Even though the mood was somber, there was a lot of talking. I just wanted some food and to sit down for a bit. It had been a long flight, and I was starting to feel jetlagged. Tomorrow would be an even longer day with the funeral.

  Beth’s brother was married now, too. His two kids were running around with Owen. Ann was quiet, being consoled by different people on a constant basis. I couldn’t imagine how crushed she was. She and Pat had been married for over thirty-five years. They were the perfect example of a loving couple and loving parents. I’d always envied Beth’s family.

  Pat’s passing was such a sad reason to be here, but in a strange way it was probably one of the only things that could’ve shifted the focus off of my own situation. Death has a way of doing that.

  As I took my plate of chicken cordon bleu and rice over to a corner in the living room, I gazed at some of the framed family photos that were sitting on a bookshelf. Man, how I wished I could run my troubles by Pat right now. I wondered how he’d feel about everything, what advice he’d give me. I hadn’t ever thought about opening up to him about Gia, mainly because it became a little awkward to talk to him about women after the Beth thing went down. I knew he cared deeply about me, but things definitely changed after I’d broken his daughter’s heart before they moved. I would always regret crossing that line in my friendship with her back then, but I couldn’t take it back. I was a dumb fucking teenager who couldn’t control his dick.

  Beth discovered my hiding spot in the corner of the living room. “Hey. There you are. I’ve been looking for you.”

  My head was still turned toward the photos. “I was just looking at these photos, thinking about your dad, how lucky I was to have him in my life growing up.”

  “He loved you like a son. Even after you and I grew apart, he always talked about you, Heath. Always. He really missed you after we moved.” She hesitated. “I missed you, too.”

  I finally looked at her, and our eyes locked. It was really good to see Beth. At one time, she’d been my best friend. In a weird way, in his death, Pat had given me exactly what I needed: a place away from home but with the comfort of familiar faces.

  “Hey,” I said. “I was gonna ask…if you’d accept my help tomorrow, I’d be honored to be a pallbearer.”

  “That’s really nice of you. I know Daddy would love that. I’ll talk to Mom. We can definitely make that happen.”

  “Thanks. It would really mean a lot to me.”

  Ann didn’t know it yet, but I planned to make arrangements with the funeral home to cover all of the expenses. It was the least I could do for a man who’d given me so much.

  Beth took a seat in the chair across from me and crossed her legs. “So tell me what’s happening back in New York. The businesses are going okay? Is your brother still an asshole?”

  Fuck. Don’t bring him up right now. I’m trying to forget. A mental image of Gia fucking him was now infiltrating my mind.

  Goddammit. Why wasn’t I drinking?

  I took a deep breath and literally shook my head to rid myself of the thoughts. “Yeah. Still an asshole.”

  “I figured.” She laughed then changed the subject. “Are you seeing anyone?”

  There was no way I was gonna get into everything now. “It’s complicated.” I loved how those two words just took care of having to explain anything further.

  “Ah, okay.” She smiled then swirled her drink around in the glass. “How long are you staying in Scottsdale?”

  “I’m not sure. At least a week, I think.”

  “I would love to hang out, catch up.”

  “Well, I don’t know my way around here, so that’d be cool,” I said.

  “I’m glad you’re not taking off so fast.”

  I looked around the room, wondering why I hadn’t been introduced to her husband yet. “Where’s your husband? I haven’t met him.”

  “He stopped by the wake before you got there. He came by to drop off Owen.”

  “He’s not here?”

  She stared down at her drink. “No.”

  “Why not?”

  Beth looked me in the eyes. “We’re not together anymore. We divorced.”

  I’d forgotten why we were best friends before I screwed it all up—before either of us noticed that she was a girl and I was a boy, before I became distracted by her perky teenage tits and plump ass. But today had brought it all back.

  B
eth had taken a week off of work after her father died, so she had plenty of free time to show me around. When I’d arrived at her house to pick her up for our day of sightseeing, she said that she’d arranged for her neighbor to babysit Owen. But after finding out that she was divorced yesterday, it felt wrong to spend the day alone with her. Friend or not, things between me and Gia were unsettled, and I wouldn’t be too happy if she spent our time apart sightseeing with a guy she had slept with—especially one as hot as Beth looked in her little shorts and belly-bearing tank top today. So I insisted that Owen come on our sightseeing adventure. At first, I could see that she looked disappointed. She’d probably been looking forward to an adult day out. But after I showed Owen a picture of one of the things I wanted to do today, he was so excited, she couldn’t possibly turn either of us down.

  The three of us drove two hours to Sedona to see the Red Rocks. I’d called ahead to reserve two ATVs, one with a cage around it that would be safer for Owen and one regular, open-air-style quad. Of course, I’d assumed I’d be driving the one without the safety roll cage. I’d forgotten the wild streak in Beth.

  Our guide came to show us how to use the machines and then gave us all helmets. Beth hopped onto the ATV without the roll cage.

  “What do you think you’re doing?” I asked.

  She jumped on the kickstart, and the loud roar of the engine came to life. “I’m about to kick your butt, that’s what I’m doing,” she yelled.

  “Don’t you think the roll cage would be safer for Owen?”

  “I’m not driving Owen. He and I together would probably be closer to what you weigh. I need to keep my weight light to win this race.”

  I furrowed my brows. “What race?”

  She smirked. “Remember the bet we had when we were ten? I’d just gotten that new blue Schwinn, and I challenged you to a race up to old man Caulfield’s house. You’d beaten me every damn race we ever had, and I thought for sure my new bike would give me the edge I needed.”

  I vaguely remembered it. The only part that was clear in my head was that I’d smoked her. New bicycle or not, her chicken legs back then didn’t have a shot against my thick ones. “I won. Of course.” I turned to Owen and bragged. “Your mother and I used to compete at everything. I always won. You know why?”

  He had the best goofy grin. “Why?”

  “Because girls go to Jupiter to get more stupider; boys go to college to get more knowledge.”

  Owen found it amusing, while Beth rolled her eyes. “Don’t listen to Heath, Owen. He can’t even remember the old saying. It’s boys go to Jupiter to get more stupider, girls go to college to get more knowledge.” She squinted at me. “You made me eat an ant and a dead moth. Remember?”

  I laughed. I’d forgotten that we used to bet bug eating as the prize. Winner got to pick one bug for the other person to eat. But she had been so sure that her new, fancy bike would carry her ass to victory, she’d doubled down our usual bet.

  “Mom ate bugs? She won’t even eat a fish unless it’s cut up so you don’t see the head and eyes and stuff.”

  “Your mother was a tomboy. She could climb a tree, skim a rock, and throw a spiral better than any of the boys.” I leaned to Owen and winked. “Except me, of course.”

  Beth pulled on her helmet. “Losers eat THREE bugs. And, beware, Rushmore, the bugs in Arizona require a fork and a knife.”

  Before I could argue anymore, she hit the gas and took off.

  “You scared to get in that thing, buddy?” I lifted my chin to the ATV.

  “Heck, no. Let’s kick Mom’s butt!”

  “You cheated.”

  I looked at my partner in crime. “In order to cheat, we’d have to have rules, right, O-Man?”

  Owen’s smile stretched so wide, I could count how many teeth were in his little mouth. “I didn’t hear Mom make any rules.”

  “You two…” She wagged her finger at us. “That was low.”

  Owen and I couldn’t catch up to Beth after she took off, so we devised a plan. A risky one. We stopped our ATV and Owen hopped off and pretended he was sick. The kid could be an actor the way he clutched at his stomach and moaned when she circled back to check if we were okay. When she got off and walked over to us, Owen hopped back in the ATV and grabbed on tight while I hit the gas. We literally smoked her—left her coughing in a cloud of dust in our wake.

  I raised my hand to Owen for a high five. “What I tell ya? Girls go to Jupiter….”

  Owen smacked my hand hard. “To get more stupider.”

  “I am not eating a bug, you cheaters!” Beth said.

  I chuckled. “That’s right. You’re not. You’re eating three, remember?”

  Owen fell asleep almost as soon as we got in the car to head back to Scottsdale. We’d spent a few hours touring the Red Rocks, and then hiked the Cathedral Rock Trail for the most gorgeous view. I could have taken a nap myself if I didn’t have a two-hour drive ahead of me.

  “Thanks for today. I can’t remember the last time Owen and I had this much fun.”

  “Thank you. You let me monopolize your entire day.”

  Beth glanced over her shoulder into the back seat and lowered her voice. “He really took a liking to you. He’s been having trouble connecting to men since Tom and I split up. Unfortunately, the year before we called it quits wasn’t pretty. There was a lot of yelling, and Tom has a really deep voice so it used to scare Owen.”

  I glanced at her and back to the road. “I’m sorry that you both went through that. But he’s a great kid. I would’ve never thought he had trouble connecting to anyone. He was so outgoing.”

  She smiled. “Everyone is outgoing around you.”

  That was the furthest thing from the truth these days. “Tell that to my staff. I hear most of them are a little afraid of me.”

  She laughed. “Why would they be afraid of you?”

  “Sometimes I’m a little…cranky, I guess.”

  “Well, you must’ve left that side of you back in New York, because Cranky Pants wasn’t here today.”

  I arched a brow. “Cranky Pants?”

  “Sorry. I teach third grade and have a six-year-old. My lingo is somewhere under the age of ten most days. I can’t remember the last time I actually hung out with adults, outside of my coworkers and family.”

  “How come?”

  “Most of my friends are married, and I haven’t wanted to go out with my few single friends yet. They’re sort of on the prowl all the time, and I’m not ready to get back out there.”

  I nodded. It made me wonder, if things ended between me and Gia, how the hell would I get back out there? The thought of being with another woman seemed more torture than tantalizing, and I didn’t even want to think about Gia getting back out there. “Yeah. That must be hard.”

  “You know what’s sad, I miss having a man around the house to make repairs more than I miss the intimate time. Maybe I’ll join one of those dating websites and when it asks what I’m looking for in a man, I’ll post my repair list. How do you think that will go over? Single, twenty-nine-year-old mother of adorable, six-year-old boy, seeks man with carpentry, electrical, and plumbing skills.” She laughed. “Think I’ll get any responses?”

  I looked over at her. “Wear the right outfit with a little cleavage and you’ll get men who respond even if you write you’re looking for someone to castrate.”

  She shook her head. “Sad…but true.”

  We talked the entire drive home, most of the time reminiscing about all the funny memories we had of her dad. Being here, talking about him, really made me realize how short life was. And how I’d let the stupid shit make me forget someone who was important to me. When we pulled to the curb, I parked.

  “Listen, Beth. I’m really sorry I lost touch with your dad, and that you and I only text a few times a year. He was really important in my life, and I didn’t show him that the last ten years.”

  She smiled sadly. “Just because you didn’t talk to him all the time doe
sn’t mean he didn’t know you cared about him. He knew. I know he did.”

  It dawned on me that Beth was making me feel better, when it should be the other way around. “Sorry. I shouldn’t be unloading my guilty conscience on you. I should be the one listening. Making you feel better.”

  “Don’t be silly. You made me feel better all day. I needed to be able to talk about the good times with Dad with someone. Mom is still too raw, and I feel better right now than I have for days. I’d been focusing on the loss, instead of the life I had with him. And you made me remember that I have a lot to be thankful for.”

  “Well, I don’t know how I did that. But I’m glad to hear you’re at least feeling better.”

  “Why don’t you come in? I’ll make us a quick dinner, pasta or something.”

  “I’m actually kind of wiped. Before we started to drive, I thought about asking you to drive and hopping in the back to let my tongue hang out while I slept, like Owen.”

  Beth looked over at her son. “He does sort of sleep like a puppy, doesn’t he?”

  I chuckled. “You said it, not me.”

  “Well, thank you again for today. Are you up for something tomorrow?”

  “You bet. I’ll bring lunch. PB and J for me and my little buddy, and I’ll bring a knife and fork for your three Arizona fat bugs.”

  “I’m not eating bugs, cheater.”

  She opened her car door. I looked back when the interior light illuminated, and Owen hadn’t budged. “He’s really out, huh?”

  “The kid can sleep through the high-pitched wail of a smoke alarm inside his room.”

  “Not sure that’s a good thing. Are you going to try and wake him?”

  “No. I’ll just carry him in and put him to bed.”

  “I’ll do it.” Owen was a pretty big kid for his age. He had to weigh fifty or sixty pounds. “He’s at least half your body weight.”

  Beth wasn’t kidding. Owen didn’t even flutter his eyes open as I unbuckled him from the back, lifted him out of the car, and set him over my shoulder fireman-style. He was totally dead weight to carry, too.